Inside
by AlexRoseRusso
Summary: It was coming out. I could fell it, fell the long claws that were craving at the walls that held it back. Slowly but surly it was craving it's way out trough my skull. It was angry. Soon I would have to fight that I couldn't afford to lose, but the sad thing is that I know I can't win this fight, only withdraw it. Give it a try!
1. Chapter 1

Slowly but surely she was craving her way out. She would be here shortly and i needed to to fight her back. I had to if I didn't she would take over, and I can't let her. My whole life, Dimitri, Lissa, Eddie, Mia, Christian hell even Adrian she would ruin it and hurt them in the progress. I can't let her do that. I will do everything I posibely can to stop her even if it will cost me my life. And it most likely will she is furius from being held back for all these years, she is out to kill me one way or another she will kill me. Soon I will have to face the monster inside me, but she wont be having it eaysy, i know she is coming and I am ready. I may not have been strong enough to kill her before but I am now. I cant cage her again she will find her way out, there is only one thing to do: Destroy the monster inside me.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunlight is streaming in trough the window and floating over my body but it doesn't reach inside my head. Sadly, I think it might help her to get a little sunlight she has gotten so pale over the years. I am starting to loose the tan myself, this vampire sequel is taking its tool on my body. I get this sudden urge to get out of here. I know it isn't me who feel this need to see the sun but if I just give in this time maybe I can save the energy to later, I'll need it. The cold air doesn't clear my head then again it is already cleared, to clear, clear enough that I can hear her low churckel every time she breaks down another wall on her way to freedom and feel her damp and heavy breath as she works hard to get it down and make room for her to pass trough. "Nightmares?" Normally I would have jumped but the inner fight made me constant alert. "They didn't start before I woke up." He nodded slightly and stood by me at the tree i was leaning against. The standing position suddenly felt exhausting and I slid down into a sitting position with my legs over cross. He followed my move but remained silent for a while. "I know that feeling." I couldn't help but smile at the ground. "I don't think you do, it's not to be rude but I don't think you can even imagine what I am talking about." He sent me a stern look "I do trust me, when Sonya came back, it is till hard okay on both of us." I shook my head still smiling grimly, my companion who usually got me seeing as he had felt the same pain as I had suddenly felt so far out of reach "I am not talking about Dimitri." He seemed surprised and hopeful for some reason maybe he did get it "So he doesn't have nightmares anymore?" of cause always searching for a way to help his beloved "He does but it's more rare." I admitted, Dimitri's continuing nightmares wasn't something we talked about even trough it held us both awake at night. We both knew what they where about anyway no need to bring them up. "Then why did you wake up?" I became more tense and alert, I'd never let anyone so close but maybe just maybe he did and if he didn't no harm he wasn't Lissa after all, he wouldn't lay so much thought in it. It was wroth a try. "Do you ever get this feeling this feeling like there is something, someone inside your head that is a whole different person but whom has always been with you, and like this person wants your life." He looked worried at me "No never, Rose is there something you want to talk about? Do you need help?" Of cause he would get me help he thought I was crazy, I shouldn't have told him anything, I knew he wouldn't get it. I gave him a small smile and shook my head "forget it I should probably head back, Dimitri will go crazy if I am not there when he wakes up." Turned my back walking the same direction I just came from. "Rose!" He called after me. I turned my head to see his face make sure he wasn't about to call the psychiatric "Yeah?" He looked helpless not knowing what to do. "If you, if need something or someone just say it okay? I always want to help you." "Thank you but I am fine just in the lake of sleep. See you tomorrow." But I wasn't fine. She continues to break me down from the inside and I had to make an important decision; should I tell the ones I held dear what was happening with the risk they would lock me up, or should I keep it going as long as possible and disappear when the fights begins for real. I didn't know yet.


	3. Chapter 3

she is eating. I don't know how I know it maybe it is because I can hear her, or maybe it is just because she is not crawing at my scalp. Dimitri is up, sadly. I had hoped i could slide into bed without waking him. "where have you been?" sigh again that protectiveness, he didn't know that the real treat was something he couldn't protect me from. I couldn't even protect myself. "I was just out getting air." He looked alarmed and hurried to me taking my face in his hands "Something wrong?" It was now or never, if I was going to tell him about my inner battle. "No i am fine I just didn't get enough sleep. He didn't believe me but let it go, I hope he'll be just as quick to let me go when the time comes.


	4. Chapter 4

In sympathy of the victims to the terror attack in Paris I'll dedicate this post to them and will not update for a week.

to those of you who think it is just about some people who died I ask you to read the next lines

The attack was terrible because of the victims but that isn't what the world is flipping about. It is about the invisible victim, it is about the liberty of speak, the right to say what we want even if it offends some people, the right to be, it is about us. Everything we stand for, all of our values have been violated. They attempted to kill it, but they wont, not if we don't let them. We have to stand together on this, we cant let it fade into the past, we cant keep it quiet and just not talk about it because that is exactly what they want. For us to be afraid, afraid of them. We cant let them win or all of this will have been for nothing. Those innocent lives will have been lost for nothing. Please stand up with us and lets stand together. Nous sommes Charlie. We are Charlie. Vi er Charlie.

Rip all victims you will not be forgotten.


End file.
